Listen up Renn Faire geeks (or, I guess, whatever the Enlightenment Era equivalent of the Renn Faire is [is there one? because that sounds awesome]), because I'm going to tell you how to resuscitate someone, old skool.
The Society for Recovery of Drowned Persons, founded in 1767 in Amsterdam, recommended the following:
1. Warming the victim
2. Removing swallowed or aspirated water by positioning the victim's head lower than feet
3. Applying manual pressure to the abdomen
4. Respirations in to the victim's mouth, either using a bellows or with a mouth-to-mouth method (We don't use bellows nearly enough in our modern hustle and bustle world. It's kind of sad.)
5. Tickling the victim's throat (...I don't even know what to make of that.)
6. 'Stimulating' the victim by such means as rectal and oral fumigation with tobacco smoke. (Hey, it was Amsterdam...)
7. Bloodletting (Of course.)
So next time you're going to the beach, don't forget the bellows, some leeches, and your finest smoking tobacco. Just in case.